When Someone is Troubled.....The Best Advice of All

My father was good at fixing things. Whenever a friend or family member had something that needed repair, they would call my father. He would examine the item carefully and thoughtfully, testing this or that, taking his time. Eventually he would determine the part that needed repair or replacement and sometimes he would figure out a way to repair the item with parts he made himself. He was a careful and meticulous workman whether fixing appliances, painting houses, or working on a new construction.

He had finished the basement of our suburban bungalow himself, and when we were teenagers, one of my sisters and I shared a bedroom down there. The room was dark, quiet and large enough for two beds and the old livingroom sofa. The evening I had broken up with my long-time high-school boyfriend, I retreated to that room, curled up on the sofa, and cried my heart out.

I was surprised when my father, who never really interfered with his teenaged daughters' dramas, knocked on the door and entered the room with a cool drink. He handed it to me, stood there awkwardly, and then finally said, "I'm sorry for your troubles. But a broken heart is one thing I can't fix."

When someone close to us has a problem, out of concern and compassion we want to help them "fix" things--we offer advice, try to convince them of the "best" solution, tell them what they should do. But problems of the heart can't be fixed with band-aid solutions or platitudes like "time is the best healer."

It's often best just to let a troubled person know you care about them, you're there for them, and you're always ready to listen. Just listen. I was reading one of those Chicken Soup anthologies of stories for "Moms" when I came across one with this message: When your children are troubled, close your lips and open your arms. I have found this to be very good advice.